Wondering...

Have you ever wondered why you do the things you do, the way you do them? Have you ever wondered why you made the decisions that brought you to the place that you are today? This is a part of us transforming. Transforming into what? One day we will find out...
I was raised to eat a dessert after every meal, eat sugar cereal for breakfast, and a homemade snack when I came home from school. Now that I am married and have two beautiful children of my own, I am teaching them the same traits I learned as a child. I watch my girls crave ice cream, pop, and chips and dip. Both of my kids would rather watch TV or play on their iPODs than play outside. Are they becoming Moths or Beautiful Butterflies? Has my selfish ways of craving chocolate, cake, cookies, bread, chips, etc. influenced them so much that they have already developed that way of life?
It is time for me to put a stop to this. I can't sit by and allow my children to grow up like this. So, I have decided to begin a workout program call Insanity. Am I Insane? Maybe... :) Today is Day 2 of my workout. I am so out of shape. BUT, I have to prove to my girls and to myself that I CAN be healthy and live a long and fulfilling life! The question at hand is, Can I Stick With It?

Kate, Madeline, Me

Is there something wrong with the way I think?

Ever since I was a little girl, I have had HUGE issues with will power, desserts, and my stomach. Why, maybe it is because I had an emotionally abusive past or it could be because my wonderful mother had homemade desserts ready for my sisters and I when we came home from school or it could be because I have never loved myself the way God loves me. All the above issues have effected me my entire life. Everyone has issues and if we keep them bottled in all the time, we will never transform to the person we were created to be.
I have decided to journal my experiences over the next several months with the world. Maybe I am crazy for thinking this but if I can help someone while helping myself, it will be worth the insecurities that I feel.  I am a very private person and deciding to take on this challenge is very bold for me! How bold you may ask, well, I will tell you.  I have never told my husband of 10 years how much I weigh, I have always sucked in (as much as I could) my bulging stomach, and would never allow him to pick me up for any reason. I have been embarrassed of my unhealthy eating habits and embarrassed that I would be too heavy for him to pick me up.  I have only showed two of my girlfriends my stomach, Rachel and Abby. This was a huge step for me, which was over 12 years ago. There is nothing wrong with my stomach, it just looks like I'm pregnant and I have always looked like this.
So, for now, I will leave you with this, I am going to begin a healthy lifestyle and overcome my insecurities, my weaknesses, and create a strong will power to overcome the strongholds that are in my life. We are always transforming whether it be a moth or into a beautiful butterfly. Today, I'm choosing to be a Butterfly!